Everybody poops

My poor Zoe has been having issue after issue with pooping.

A few months back she had such hard poops that they would sometimes get stuck and we would have to "help" it out. Since that time we have been having more and more issues because Zoe is now afraid of going and she will clench and hold it in as long as possible.
We keep trying to explain that she will feel better, she just needs to let it out. The issue is, you cant expect a 2 year old to understand any of this. She just looks at us like we are insane.

When kids are born, the hospital sends you home with a package that contains a sheet of paper about the different poops that you can expect to see. At least they do this in my town.

Most kids I know have had poop issues but adding flax or extra water normally resolves the issue. In Zoe's case, I have tried everything I can think of, have researched, or was told worked.
Food wise:
Adding flax seed to food
extra fluid
oatmeal
increasing fibre
bran
extra fruit
extra of certain veggies
prunes
juice

I've even gone as far as making bran muffins, veggie and fruit muffins, flax muffins, changing her pasta to the whole grain with flax pasta, changing her bread to multi grain bread, no cheese, etc.....

Non food stuff:
abdomen massage
stool softener (kid friendly)
suppository
Lactulose (laxative)

I know I am missing stuff in the above lists, and it's gotten so bad that we have a referral for Zoe to see a pediatrician because of her chronic constipation now (appointment in January 2013),

Funny chart I found online, I think my favorite is the "sassy turd" lol

It seems that you can look everywhere and find something about poop. It's a topic that is so widespread and talked about that it just pops up in everyday conversations now.
It's even more normal when you are talking to another parent. We seem to discuss our kids and their pooping habits any single chance we get. You can tell so much from a child's poop.

I don't know where this is from, or what it's really for but it's funny to try to figure out what each one is.

All in all, it's hell trying to get a toddler who doesn't want to poop to actually poop. You feel bad about watching your child clench her butt cheeks together trying to hold it in, getting tiny little "chocolate covered raisin" presents in a diaper that lead you to changing that diaper again even though you did recently and it's not wet, just has a tiny spec of poo in/on it and you don't want your child to stay in it.
Having to scoop out, drain, clean and then refill the tub because you cant get mad that her bowels relaxed enough in the tub and she ends up pooping (cause at least she's pooping right?).
Yes there are certain times that are funny, like when your child starts to think that farting is "a poo poo" and exclaims it all the time VERY loudly.
Watching my baby poop is still funny, red faced grunts make me laugh.

I wish that there was something that I could have done to make things easier for Zoe, but I literally having tried all I can.....until today!!!! (and whatever the dr tells us to do).

I have been noticing that the poops Zoe has been having are becoming less rock hard and more semi soft. SO....this morning I noticed her clenching and trying to hold it in (including walking like a penguin so she didn't unclench her bum cheeks), I decided that since she always stands legs stiff together, and shoulders back and braces herself....what would happen if I picked her up??
So I did. I folded her legs into her body (as much as she would let me) and she couldn't clench and that turd HAD to come out. She didn't scream like she does when she is holding it in and it decides to come out on it's own anyways cause it cant hold back anymore.....but you could tell she wasn't too sure what was happening. SHE POOPED!!!!!! A good sized, decent turd!
I was SO proud of her. I kept telling her she pooped and it didn't hurt!!!
I cleaned her up and she seemed like a new child. All day I told all my friends of my daughters poop!!!!

Then tonight, I catch her clenching again (keep in mind I knew that 1 poop wouldn't be enough to clear her out from weeks and weeks of holding it in) and I decided I would try my new found trick once more. SUCCESS!!!!!! We had another big poo!!!!!!
My friend Amanda was here and she also pointed out that after that second poo, her stomach wasn't distended anymore either. Something I had never noticed before!!!!

I hope that I can get her to just push things out on her own again once she realizes that going doesn't hurt anymore, and I also hope that until that time, she doesn't run from me when I see her clenching and come to get her to pick her up! lol

Baby Bennett has arrived (and my post is a few days late)

 

 

 

Isla Raine Bennett was born December 11th at 1:18am at a healthy 10lbs 14ounces, and 22inches long.

 

She is a gorgeous, healthy little miss whom I am completely addicted and in love with already.

Marian keeps sending me pictures and I adore each and every single one. She's so cute, and I wish I was there to snuggle and kiss her non stop.

 

 

Little baby Bennett, come out and play!!!!

A new little baby Bennett is on route, and I for one cant wait to see if it's a he or she, how big this baby will be (since they are stating that they could be up to 12 lbs already) and how cute they will be as well.

Marian, my best friend, someone that is what I would refer to as my soul sister (I swear we were related in a past life) is pregnant with her third child. No doubt another adorably cute little muffin that will be making another place in my heart.

Marian's partner (and another of our closest friends) Sean Bennett, are 2 of the greatest people I know. I don't think I could ever picture my life without them.
They are fun, free spirited, loving, respectful, amazing people. Our family includes them, Marian truly is my sister.

Bennett and Marian - those crazy kids!! (this is a pic from a wedding they went to recently)

Marian was due December 5th (also Bennett's birthday), and this little muffin still has not graced us with his or her presence.
I keep checking my phone anytime I get a message because I am so excited to I cant wait much longer to hear about this little baby being born.

The Bennett kids are super cute, incredibly smart, and very well raised . They make my heart smile when I get to see them, or simply even hear about something new that they are doing. Elayna, the eldest, asks about Zoe often too, which makes my heart soar with happiness. We live almost 4 hours away (they live in Ottawa), we don't get to see each other nearly enough, yet this little miss KNOWS that we love her and miss her and wants to know and hear about Zoe (and now Emma).
Alec, their second born, is super smart too. Goes around singing and talking, drinking out of open glasses with NO spillage...it blows my mind.

He and Zoe have 3 weeks difference between them, but Alec (nicknamed Master Man) has been seeing Elayna (nicknamed Peans - short for peanut) doing all these different things and he picked up on them a lot faster. (I was told Emma would pick up on things like Alec did since she will be seeing Zoe doing them).
So Marian and I send each other pictures,video and voice notes about the kids, or even about ourselves or funny things we see or do if we cant call one another!! I don't know about her, but it makes me feel like I live closer. Like I am there in spirit as they are here in spirit with us.
I hate being so far away from the people I wish I could see everyday!

Peans and Master Man - super cute!!!!

Marian is currently at the hospital, waiting to see if she will be induced or not since they called her in this afternoon.
She has also been having contractions for the past 10 days. She is already 5cm's dilated, and this was before going to the hospital. She has been saying that she was seeing big contractions on the monitor at the hospital, but they simply felt like cramping on her end. Weird how every pregnancy is different! With Peans and MM (master man) she said that she could really feel the contractions and that by the time she was 4 cms dilated she was ready for that epidural!

I am bummed though, because I wish I could be there with her so badly. She told me that she would love for me to be in the room with her, because she trusts me, and knows I would support her in the rough times (to anyone who has never had kids....trust me....sometimes, you need some extra words of encouragement lol), she could squeeze my hand, yell, curse me out, and I would never even bat an eye. Obviously Bennett will be there too, I would just be the "extra", but man, I would LOVE to be that extra!!!
So, this is what we decided on....constant updates.
She messages me when new information becomes available. I know she wont be able to do this when full on in the throws of labor....but I know that once she has this muffin, she will message me, or Bennett will (which I made quite clear the last time we saw each other). ;p

Marian on November 29th 2012

Marian is THE most gorgeous pregnant lady I have ever seen. She's just gorgeous all the time to be honest, pregnant or not. There's something about her that makes her glow.
She has this amazing aura to her, she makes me feel calm and relaxed, like there is nothing wrong with the world. I feel I could tell her anything. Her laugh in contagious, and she feeds us like we're kings and queens (and DAMN that woman can cook!!!!). We just laugh, and talk, and watch the kids play. The boys talk movies and games etc....and the girls talk babies, food, and whatever else!!

When we visit, it's sort of bittersweet though, because we have so much to do when in Ottawa that sometimes the visits have to be short....but they feel even shorter because we never want to leave!! We could have 3 full days with them, and it would still feel too short.
Thankfully, they understand that we have a lot to do when we visit, we never get the guilt trips for not being able to stay long. We appreciate that more than anything because we get the guilt trips from multiple other places/people when we don't have a chance to visit others.

They get it, and that makes them even more awesome!

Now this baby has been estimated to be anywhere between 9.5-12lbs already. Alec, was 10.8lbs, which leads me to think that this baby will be even bigger.

December 9th 2012 - going to the hospital for possible induction

So right now, I am sitting here writing this post, and talking to her through messages and all the while my head is spinning with all the thoughts of this little baby coming tonight or tomorrow at some point.
I really hope that I hear my phone once I fall asleep....if I fall asleep. I'm just a little too excited right now!!
Honestly, if I didn't have kids of my own, I'd already be on route to Ottawa to be there with/for her!

Update to follow once baby is born!

I had a breakdown today...everything happens for a reason though

Warning....this will be a long, somewhat sad/sappy/lovey post.

For the past 4 months now I have only gotten out without the girls 3-4 times, and those times were for no more than 2 hours each. We were lucky enough to have one of these times be a date night (thank you to Mike's brother Steven and awesome GF Chris for hooking us up).

So yeah, at some point, I was bound to break. Today was that day.
Somehow, this morning something broke in my head. I started crying, and I couldnt stop.

How I felt this morning.

I have been feeling this coming on for quite some time now, why didnt I do anything about it? Pride.
It's not that I am trying to be super mom (although sometimes it can seem that way), I just dont like to admit when I need help. It makes me feel weak and I really dont like to feel weak. I think this is something that stems from when I was a kid. I was always sort of...self raised I feel. So to have to ask for help, is not something I am used to.

That being said, the breakdown happened and I needed to do something about it. I was able to let my wonderful husband know about it, and I am sure he has been sort of sensing the increasing frustration in me over the past few weeks.
It's not that he never lets me go out, but by the time that we figure out that one of us can go out somewhere, I am either too tired, we have no funds (as we are trying to save up), or I have a headache/dont feel well, or honestly....simply dont feel like getting dolled up.

A BIG part of this is all mental on my part. I should be forcing myself to go out more (as Mike tries to get me to do), but I'm an idiot and I dont. Blame the mother in me, but I want to be near my family, even though sometimes they are the ones I need a break from. I adore them, they make my heart happy. However there are only so many hours you can take of crying, saying no, and trying to raise them (the girls....not the man child lol) not to be little bastards like some other kids who's parents let them get away with murder.

My girls, Emma on the left, and Zoe on the right - too cute right?

I KNOW I need to start asking for help more often. Raising our girls properly, doing house stuff, groceries, laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, etc....it all takes it's toll.
Thankfully I have a husband who is so incredibly understanding, and loves me to the moon and back, as I adore him too.
Not only did he feel my stressful breakdown, but worked out with his boss that he was leaving at noon to come home and let me get out for the whole afternoon without the girls.

While I was waiting for him to come home, I was still crying. I talked to my best friend Marian and my sister (who both live in Ottawa), and my close friend Carla.
Carla ended up showing up at my house with an iced capp from Tim Hortons. I was SO touched that she showed up just cause she felt I needed a friend, I gave her a great big hug and cried. We talked, and she told me I was too hard on myself, she told me to stop beating myself up and to get out more. That going out more does NOT make me a bad mother, it makes me a better mother.
I felt a sense of relief with her telling me this, because recently I have been feeling like a horrible mom. Like I dont do enough with my girls, like I cant give enough to my girls. I felt...like a failure to them because I had a breakdown.
Carla then noted that even with all my crying, and feeling badly about raising my voice so often in the past week, that Zoe was sitting on me, and laughing, and giving me love and hugs and kisses. I hadnt thought of that. It took Carla to tell me for me to realize it, and Emma smiles every time I look at her cause she loves me. 

Mike got home, and Carla and I went out for lunch. We talked some more, and the guilt of not being home set in a little (yes, that's how little I get out, that going out for lunch without them makes me feel guilty for not being with them). Again, she talked me through it. Carla is so special to me, she gives with all her heart, and never expects anything in return. That's a special kind of person, a person everyone should have the pleasure of knowing and having in their lives. She's helped me through many days, dr's appointments with both girls when Mike is at work, and tells me to go lay down when she knows I am exhausted. She rocks! Everybody needs a CC.
Thank you to Carla for all the kind words, hugs and being my emotional rock recently. I appreciate it.

Then, there is Mike. The love of my life.



Such a handsome man!!!!!



Mike gets me. He understands (for the most part) my insane need to be in control and know what and how I want things to work (mostly with the girls upbringing, the house, and making plans - as he has admitted the Hayes' cant plan!! lol). He makes me laugh, he knows when I need special words, a hug, a kiss and when I simply need to be left alone. He's silly, and loving, and respectful, and kind and amazing.



Mike being silly at our wedding March 7th 2009



The fact that he came home to allow me to have an afternoon for me, and to refocus myself is beyond appreciated, especially knowing that he has been very busy at work and has stress of his own.

More and more he reminds me of his father, someone who has the biggest heart ever. Always wanting to give to others regardless of if they need something themselves. Mike respects his father (as do I), and I can tell how much that has rubbed off on him. I have a father in law I am PROUD to have and love.

I know Mike loves me with all his heart, and I really hope he realizes how much I adore him and look forward to spending the rest of my life with him. To keep growing together, watch our girls go off to school, get married and have babies of their own, and Mike and I can get old and fat and sit on the front porch of our dream house and reminisce about the past while holding hands and rocking on our swing. All while still being completely and utterly in love with each other.



First dance as man and wife, "the way I am" by Ingrid Michaelson



My soul, my whole being, belongs to him. He holds one of the 3 keys to my heart. The only other people that hold a key to my heart are Zoe and Emma, because they are the only one's who know what my heart sounds like from the inside. These 3 people fill my heart and make it whole.

As much as Mike and I can disagree and have fights, and as much as Zoe and Emma can cry to the point where I would sometimes like to rip out my hair....they are the true loves of my life. My reason for living.

They are the reason I need to take better care of myself, because they NEED me just as much as I NEED them!

I could never imagine my life without Mike, Zoe or Emma. I never want to be put in a position where I need to even think about it.

So all that being said (written?? lol), I think today happened to make me realize that I need time for myself. I need to reconnect with ME. I HAVE to do it for my family as well as myself, and I am sure that if I forget this...someone will tell me....or simply show me this post to make me remember it.

The only way I can end this post, is by telling my family.....

Where is Zoe, cause this is NOT my child!!!

Where to begin.

I woke up with a headache, not such an unsual thing right now with the weather the way it's been.

Got out to the living room, fed Emma, no problems. Let Zoe finish her breakfast and cleaned her off...and then things got interesting.

Zoe has had a cold the past few days, she's coughing and sneezing and snotting all over. So not only do I have to chase after her with a kleenex to wipe her nose, and chase after her to wash her hands and face, but she's irritable, tired, and just plain not her bubbly, cute, happy self.

Normally, I can deal with the irritability, the crabbiness, the plain old refusal to do anything I ask. Today however, was a different story.

Her favorite word right now is NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!  She screams it so the world can hear (and obviously always loud enough to wake her sister who has JUST fallen asleep).





This is how my day proceeded.

Zoe wanted to have a snack so I got her some cheerios in a baggie and gave them to her. This is normally an awesome snack because it keeps her busy, she still LOVES cheerios, and it allows me to get some stuff done around the house. NOT THIS MORNING!!!

She not only dumped half her bag of cheerios into a small bucket (which sounds ok, right???) only the bucket was filled to the rim and she still doesnt quite fully grasp the "it has to be kept level for things not to fall out of it" thing.

Then I took the bucket away when 3/4 of the cheerios fell out TWICE after having told her multiple times to keep it level. I put the cheerios back into the baggie and gave it back to her.
She proceeded to stare me in the face, and dump the cheerios onto the floor. Let me tell you, those cheerios got swept up fast and into the garbage they went!!

After about an hour she said she wanted a snack, by this point it was pretty much lunch time so I made lunch. She proceeded to eat NONE of the lunch. So I told her that was lunch, and that is what she has to eat, I am not making anything else. I stood my ground (something we have HAD to instill recently as it has been happening all too often). After lunch, I felt defeated, drained, and all around like a bad mom since my kid had not eaten very much.



Even though this is not my girls and I, the toddler licking her arm with the look of "yes...I broke mommy" is how I felt today.



Nap time came, and I was magically able to get both girls down for a nap at the same time. Emma's didnt last too long, but I was still able to get a good hour alone in peace and quiet to regroup and re-energize.

Once Emma woke up I fed her and played with her.

Zoe woke up a little later and of course, was hungry. I cut up half a pear and put it into a bowl for her. It started on the table, and made it's way to the couch. All was going well, I went into the kitchen to get some water, came back out and all the pears had disapeared. My first thought was "no, she couldnt have eaten them that quickly" and then realized she was standing next to a play purse. Yep, 3 half eaten pieces of pear out of 4. I took them out, stated she needed to sit at the table to eat her snack and placed them on the table.
For the sake of not turning this post into a novel, there were at least 3 other messes to clean up after the pear incident. One of which was chewed up almonds. Bleh.

Zoe ended up getting a few time outs this afternoon too. This is the thing about time outs at our house. I only leave her in time out for 2 minutes, or unless she comes out of time out and still is not listening, then she goes back. Normally Zoe doesnt get many time out's, she's a great kid to be honest, but when she's sick, she's like the devils spawn!!

This is how I WISH time out's went at our house:



Note the calmly seated child

THIS is how they actually go:

I chose this because Zoe has this same "drama queen" look during a T.O

By this point it was almost time for Mike to get home from work. So just to find out how far he was so I could start dinner I called him, he hadnt even left work yet. Discouraged I hung up the phone, and got to cooking dinner.
All the while Zoe is laying on the play mat with Emma where I can see them and they are both calm and happy. I turned my back for 20 seconds and next thing I know Emma is screeching and Zoe looks guilty. She had been kicking the play mat bars and the toys dangling from them smacked Emma in the face I assume (this also happens failry regularly recently).

I got Emma and sat her in her high chair to be closer to me. That calmed things down a bit at least. 
Mike got home and asked "rough afternoon" to which I simply nodded.
I got Zoe's plate ready and sat her down for dinner. I took Emma from Mike to calm her down a little bit as she had started crying again (another post on our "hell hours" to follow soon) and sat on the couch with her while Mike got himself a plate and sat down with Zoe.

Once Emma had settled a bit, I put her in her high chair once more, and got myself a plate. I however, ate in the kitchen just to have a bit of breathing room. After a few minutes I then sat down at the table with my family.

We proceeded to bathe the girls, gave a bottle to Emma, Mike read a book to Zoe and both girls are now in bed.

I swear on days like today all I can think is "i'm such a horrible mom", but then I think back to my day, and I realize...i'm not a bad mom. I dont hit, curse, or mentally abuse my kids.
I know when to step away and take a breather, and at the end of the day my girls love me and they know I only want the best for them.
And I am sure that I am not the only mom who feels that way about their own lives

This blogging thing

So, I decided I was going to give this blogging thing a shot.
I have been talking about creating a blog for a long, LONG time, I guess now's the time where I hunker down and actually do it. (Yes, now that I have 2 children who need my constant attention...I find the time NOW - am I insane??)

I figure this blog will be about my inner thoughts, dialogue and the funny/possibly disgusting things that happen to me in a day, week or possibly month.

Not sure how often I will be able to jump on to do this, not sure exactly how entertaining it will become, but it seems like something I can do for ME.


I spend most days feeding, diapering, cleaning, cooking and saying "no, don't touch that", or "put it down", "sit on your bum", "the baby needs to eat/sleep/have a bum change" etc....you see where this is going.
I also spend a large part of my days dealing with crying children.

To any non parent (or person who isnt around kids often enough) this can seem like it's a walk in the park. I offer them to come to my house and have me leave for a day and see how "easy" they think it really is. I will then proceed to laugh when they RUN as fast as they can away from our humble abode.

To all us actual parents out there, we KNOW how bad it can really weigh in on your sanity.
At this time, I am dealing with a kid who won't stop saying "NO" to everything (even if she wants it!!!!), and a baby who is learning to fall asleep on her own without movement from a swing or arms/heat of a human.

I adore my children, I really truly do....but I have a feeling that this blog will be my relief. I think writing down about my day(s), and truly reminiscing on what has/had/will happen tomorrow....will be a blessing in disguise and get me to have a good chuckle at the end of a very long, very exhausting, very tiresome day.

That ends post #1 (and I am proud to say, that the girls did NOT wake or start crying while I was at the computer - success??? I think YES)